Let's Try Golf

Okay, here is my story:

Last June, my family met in Florida for some R&R. My brother Martin and I wanted to play some golf — nothing fancy, just a pitch-and-putt golf course. I was embarrassed by how poorly I played.

So what I haven't held a golf club in 30 years. So what every time I swung, someone almost perished.

And the duck I hit: delicious.

Anyway, Chris and I were shopping at a local Salvation Army (which, by the way, is a great kept secret for books and movie buyers) (Chris says, "Not anymore....") and lo and behold, we came across a set of golf clubs for $60, including the bag. I thought, "Heck, for that money, even when I start to wrap them around a tree I won't feel too terrible."

After some practice, broken windows, horrified mothers and more dead poultry, I purchased the book Golf for Dummies. (I guess I should have done that first.) Magically, I acquired some mad golf skills. (When I say "mad golf skills," I mean "I actually made contact with the ball.") It helps to get some tips and tricks from a pro.

A few months later, I mentioned to a friend that I am trying to play golf. He mentioned that he had a set of clubs he hadn't used in 10 years, and generously offered them to me.

I took said clubs to the driving range.

My friend neglected to tell me the clubs had magical properties — or maybe he didn't know about that, otherwise he would probably still be playing. I teed up the first ball and really whacked the crap out of it.

I think I will keep his clubs — they fit me to a tee, so to speak. (I hope he doesn't read this or he may want them back.)

The moral to this story is: if you are going to take up golf, go the pro shop first and get clubs custom fit for you. This could save a lot of lives, poultry and frustration.